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| International Adoption
School
Q: My children (4 and 6) have been asking a lot of
questions about babies recently. Can you suggest any resources to use or
guidelines to follow when talking to
adopted children about sex?
Q: Recently my son
has begun telling classmates about his adoption, but asking them to
keep it a secret. Should I be worried?
Q: How can I purge my
son's school records of personal information and ensure him some
privacy?
Q: What can we do about a tricky assignment in my son's
middle-school health class?
Q: How can I approach giving
an adoption talk in the classroom–both with the school and with my
daughter?
Q: How do we discipline our
four-year-old son who is acting up at day care, but is behaving
fairly well at home?
Talking to children
Q: Why is my four-year-old daughter suddenly feeling bad about being Chinese?
Q: How can I prepare my adopted child for the birth of a sibling?
Q: When should we share information with our daughter about her birthmother?
Q: How do we prepare our three-year-old son for the arrival of a new baby sister?
Q: How should we respond when our daughter makes negative comments about adoption and
our family?
Q: What should we tell our two-year-old as we begin a second domestic adoption process?
Q: What should I do when the truthful answers to my child's adoption
questions aren't developmentally appropriate?
Q:How should we respond to questions about our blended family?
Q:Should I tell my
adoptive child that I'm actually his biological grandmother?
Q: How should we share
difficult birthparent information with a 6-year-old?
Q: We were told our daughter was conceived by rape. Our
daughter is six now. When and how
should we have this conversation?
Q: I don't want to attribute every element of my son's development to adoption, but
how else could I view his vague questions?
Q: Should we tell our 9-year-old son (who's never asked)
about his birthfather's death? How
would we do this?
Q: What should we tell our two-year-old as we begin a second domestic adoption process?
Q: How do I explain to my 6-year-old that he has a biological sibling who I placed for
adoption before he was born?
Q: My husband and I have a friendly relationship with
our daughter's birthmother, but our daughter doesn't know how they are
related. How do we introduce the concept of birthparents? see the
full question and answer
Q: How can I approach giving an adoption talk in the
classroom–both with the school and with my daughter? see the full
question and answer
Difficult information
Q: We were told that our child was conceived via rape.
When and how do we share the difficult
details with him?
Q: When should I share
with my daughter the details of her
birthmother's death?
Q: How can I tell my spouse and family about a child I
placed for adoption years ago?
Q: Is out 10-year-old daughter old enough to know about
or meet her birth siblings?
Q:Should I tell my
adoptive child that I'm actually his biological grandmother?
Q: How and when can I explain
what adoption means to a child who was adopted from a relative?
Q: How should we share
difficult birthparent information with a 6-year-old?
Q: Should we tell our 9-year-old son (who's never asked)
about his birthfather's death? How
would we do this?
Q: How should we tell
our son that his birth family requested a closed adoption?
Contacting/writing to birthparents
Q: My friend is looking to adopt, and has asked for my
help in contacting potential birthmothers. How do I write a "Dear Birthmother"
letter?
Q: Do you think it's a
good idea to let my 12-year-old contact
her birthmother?
Q: What can we say in a letter
to our son's birthfather, who has decided to oppose the adoption?
Q: What do birthparents
want to know in the letters I write?
Birthparents
Q: Am I overreacting
in being upset that my daughter's birthmother signed her Christmas card
"Mommy"?
Q: Is it true that
using the term birthmother will confuse our child, as our social
worker claims?
Q: My 5-year-old has been asking a lot about her birthfather
recently (I assume it's because I'm a single mom), but I only have
information about her birthmother. What should I tell my daughter?
Q: Are we being unfair in feeling uncomfortable with our son's birthmother
making constant comparisons between her appearance and his own?
Q: How should we share
difficult birthparent information with a 6-year-old?
Q: Do you think it's a good idea to let my 12-year-old contact her birthmother?
Q: Should we tell our 9-year-old son (who's never asked)
about his birthfather's death? How
would we do this?
Q: How do I explain to my 6-year-old that he has a biological sibling who I placed for
adoption before he was born?
Q: My husband and I have a friendly relationship with
our daughter's birthmother, but our daughter doesn't know how they are
related. How do we introduce the
concept of birthparents?
Q: What do
birthparents want to know in the letters I write?
Birth
family
Q: How can we explain our son's birth sibling in another family?
Q: I plan to adopt my fiancee's step-daughter after the
wedding. Recently, birth relatives have asked
for an ongoing relationship...
Q: Is our 10-year-old daughter old enough to know about
or meet her birth siblings?
Q: What should I do when the truthful answers to my child's adoption
questions aren't developmentally appropriate?
Q: My birth son contacted me earlier this year, and my
wife (not his birthmother) and I have enjoyed getting to know him. He'd
like us to come to his wedding, but I haven't
yet told our 9-year-old son and I'm not sure how.
Q: Our 11-year-old daughter is the only child in our
family, but her birthfather has two children that he's raising. Should we tell her about her siblings
now or let her meet them?
Q: Our son has two biological brothers, but we're afraid
that they may become bad influences due to their unstable home life. Should we let him see his biological
siblings?
Q: How do I explain to my 6-year-old that he has a biological sibling who I placed for
adoption before he was born?
Open
adoption
Q: How can we increase
contact with our child's birthfather?
Q: Our 11-year-old daughter is the only child in our
family, but her birthfather has two children that he's raising. Should we tell her about her siblings
now or let her meet them?
Q: My husband and I have a friendly relationship with
our daughter's birthmother, but our daughter doesn't know how they are
related. How do we introduce the
concept of birthparents?
Q: As an adult adoptee, I'm concerned about hereditary health problems.
Foster
adoption
Q: How can I purge my
son's school records of personal information and ensure him some
privacy?
Q: Our son has two biological brothers, but we're afraid
that they may become bad influences due to their unstable home life. Should we let him see his biological
siblings?
Q: How do we calm and
comfort our 4-year-old daughter, whom we recently adopted from foster
care?
Older child adoption
Q: My daughter is having trouble adjusting to our new
son, who came home a few months ago. What can we do to remove sibling rivalry?
Q: We feel our recently
adopted son might be happier in a family with fewer children. Should we consider disruption?
Q: Are our daughter's sleep
problems due to adoption?
Q: When can we enroll our recently adopted toddler in daycare?
Q: What can I do about my older child's temper tantrums? Why is
she so angry?
Q: How can we make peace with our extended families
after a disrupted adoption?
Q: How do we calm and
comfort our 4-year-old daughter, whom we recently adopted from foster
care?
Q: How should we respond when our recently adopted
7-year-old daughter shows inappropriate
affection to family members or friends?
Attachment
Q: My daughter has begun asking me "Are you my mommy?" when we're in
public. Is this a form of separation anxiety?
Q: Our daughter has been sleeping in our bed
since we adopted her three years ago. How do we get her to sleep on
her own?
Q: My 20-month-old
daughter (adopted 10 months ago) seems more attached to our babysitter than to
me.
Q: Are our daughter's sleep
problems due to adoption?
Q: When can we enroll our recently adopted toddler in daycare?
Q: My 3-year-old appears to have a higher level of seperation anxiety than most children
her age. What can I do about this?
Q: What can I do about my older child's temper tantrums? Why is
she so angry?
Q: How do we calm and
comfort our 4-year-old daughter, whom we recently adopted from foster
care?
Q: Should we let our newly adopted daughter cry herself to sleep, or should we
respond to her every cry?
Q: How should we respond when our recently adopted
7-year-old daughter shows inappropriate
affection to family members or friends?
Institutionalized children
Q: We feel our recently adopted son might be happier in
a family with fewer children. Should we consider
disruption?
Q: How should we handle our internationally adopted toddlers' erratic
eating habits?
Q: What can I do about my older child's temper tantrums? Why is
she so angry?
Q: Our three-year-old has generally adjusted well since
we adopted her two years ago, but she
sleeps through the night only about 50 percent of the time.
Disruption
Q: We feel our recently adopted son might be happier in
a family with fewer children. Should we consider
disruption?
Q: How can we make peace with our extended families
after a disrupted adoption?
Q: Our 5-year-old son (also adopted) was very excited
for the arrival of a newborn sister, but we recently found out that the birthmother changed her mind and
has decided to keep the baby. How can we break the news to our son?
Extended
family
Q: I'd like to blog to document our adoption process,
and keep our far-flung family up-to-date, but I'm not tech savvy.
Q: How can I tell my
spouse and family about a child I placed for adoption years ago?
Q: How do we explain to our families that we'd like a few days alone with our
newborn before they meet him?
Q: How can I tell my
spouse and family about a child I placed for adoption years ago?
Q: Should I tell my
adoptive child that I'm actually his biological grandmother?
Q: Should I be concerned about not being in touch with
my extended family during my homestudy?
Q: How can we make peace with our extended families
after a disrupted adoption?
Q: How should we respond when our recently adopted
7-year-old daughter shows inappropriate
affection to family members or friends?
Q: My husband is getting anxious about becoming a
father. Is there anything I can say
or do to ease his worry?
Trans-,
multi-, and biracial children and families
Q: Our domestically adopted daughter's birth certificate
says she is Caucasian, but she has beautiful brown skin. How can we talk with her about her
ethnicity or perhaps investigate her heritage?
Q: Why has
our African-American daughter been focusing
on beauty and asking whether she is pretty?
Q: Can you
recommend books about anti-Asian
racism?
Q: Would moving to a more diverse neighborhood help our
non-white children?
Q: What are the best ways
to help kids who feel
"different"?
Q:
Should we bring any documents besides
passports and copies of our birth certificates when we travel out of
the country this summer?
Q: How should we respond to questions about our blended family?
Q: Can you recommend resources for families with children of biracial heritage?
Q: Can you recommend resources specifically for biracial children? Also, should I be
concerned about overemphasizing race?
Q: How can I approach giving
an adoption talk in the classroom–both with the school and with my
daughter?
Q: How should my three-year-old daughter answer questions about her race?
Medical
advice
Q: How quickly should we
proceed with our child's immunizations?
Q:
Melatonin helped my daughter, who has struggled
with sleep for years, but her doctor scolded me for
"drugging" her. What should we do?
Q: What's
the proper sleep setup for a
newborn? What should we bring when we're traveling?
Q: Should adoptive parents
feed breast milk to infants?
Q: How should we handle
our internationally adopted toddlers'
erratic eating habits?
Q: What can we do when our insurance company denies payments for our
adopted child?
Q: Are our daughter's sleep
problems due to adoption?
Q: Where can I learn more about or child's possible prenatal exposure to drugs?
Q: What can we do if our son's special needs subsidy payments are
reduced by the state?
Q: We just learned that our
daughter is older than we were told. Should we tell her and should we
have her birth certificate changed?
Q: Is there a certification process for physicians who specialize in international
adoption?
Q: Should we let our newly adopted daughter cry herself to sleep, or should we
respond to her every cry?
Q: Our three-year-old has generally adjusted well since
we adopted her two years ago, but she
sleeps through the night only about 50 percent of the time.
Q: As an adult adoptee, I'm concerned about hereditary health problems
Q: Should we be worried that our two-year-old has suddenly
developed all sorts of fears?
Age/development
Q: How can I alleviate
my daughter's anxiety when she has to wait?
Q: Our
two-year-old had never been around men before she joined our family and
wants nothing to do with my husband. How do we handle her strong aversion to attaching to dad?
Q: Our
child has cerebral palsy and is several years behind his age on a
cognitive level. How much do we tell
him about his adoption story?
Q: How do we ease the adjustment for an 11-year-old
we've adopted from another country?
Q: Is our 10-year-old
daughter old enough to know about or meet her birth siblings?
Q: We just learned that our
daughter is older than we were told. Should we tell her and should we
have her birth certificate changed?
Legal questions
Q: What are our options for traveling internationally with our child
soon after her adoption is finalized?
Q: Do we
have to use a lawyer to change our
child's name?
Q: How do
we file taxes, when our child won't
have a social security number until after the adoption is finalized?
Q: I've been trying to
adopt the child I've been foster parenting for three years, but her birthparent never shows up in
court.
Q: A little girl I know just lost both of her parents.
How do I adopt an acquaintance?
Q: Is a disability a
barrier to adoption for singles?
Q: What can we do when our insurance company denies payments for our
adopted child?
Q: How can I convince my employer to file their adoption reimbursement plan?
Q: Is there any law that allows adoptive mothers to take sick days from work after adopting?
Q: Is there an adoption
watchdog organization?
Q: Why can't one adoption
attorney represent both us and the birthparents?
Q: We were the victims of adoption fraud. What can we do?
Q: I can't find my daughters' alien registration cards
or other Russian adoption papers. What's
their citizenship status?
Q: My company is giving me a hard time about taking adoption leave.
Q: Could chronic depression (for which I take
medication) affect my chances of
adopting?
Talking to Others
Q:How can I preserve our privacy and at the same time
show my child that adoption is not secret in response to intrusive questions?
Q:My husband and I became parents via adoption after a
long struggle with infertility. When my best friend recently had a baby,
I was surprised to feel sad and jealous. How can I get over this?
Q:A co-worker made a 'lighthearted' comment about
adoption that I found hurtful. Do I
respond or let it go?
Q: Our twins are biracial, and one is lighter-skinned
than the other. How do we respond when
people comment on how different they look?
Q: How should we respond
to questions about our blended family?
Q: What can I say to people
who tell others about our adoption?
Q: My company is giving me a hard time about taking adoption leave.
International
Adoption
Q: Where can I learn about adopting from Tonga?
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