Get Talking!
Adoptive Families' guide to talking about adoption

No matter how old your child is, you can be sure that adoption is something he thinks about. And what about his classmates and friends?

We’ve compiled a list of our best resources that will help you talk to your child and other people about adoption—Clip-and-Save guides, advice on discussing sensitive details, answering your child's first questions, helping your adolescent open up, and more.

Plus: See our guide to talking to 6- to 8-year-olds.

Where to Start:

• Talking With Children About Adoption, by Barbara Russell
  Is it what you say, how early you say it, or how often you say it that matters most to your child?
  
• Talking Matters, by Lois Melina
  If you look like your child, you may be spared inquisitive glances or nosy questions about adoption from strangers. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have to discuss the topic.
  
• Birds, Bees, and Adoption, by Marybeth Lambe
  Explaining reproduction is tough for all parents, and it’s even more complex for us. Here’s help.

Talking to Non-Adoptees:

• Explaining Adoption to Classmates
  Distribute this handout to other parents at your child's school, or send it home with his classmates after an adoption presentation.
  
• How I Explained Adoption to the First Grade, by Amy Klatzkin
  A downloadable PDF that includes a list of useful resources about adoption and school, and tips for talking about adoption in the classroom.
  
• Talking Tips, by Carrie Krueger
  10 tips for talking about adoption and preparing your child to talk to others, especially in school.
• "Why Do You Ask?"
  Adoptive parents and siblings recount intrusive questions they've been asked—and how they responded.

Talking to Kids Under Five

• How to Talk to Your Three-to-Five-Year-Old About Adoption
  The classic AF Clip-and-Save Guide offers strategies, a sample conversation, and some recommended reading.
• Where Did You Get Those Dimples?
  AF readers share their tips for answering strangers' questions.
• Let’s Play Adoption, by Susan Tompkins
  Fantasy play can be a comfortable way to explore adoption issues with your child.
• Did I Come From Your Tummy?, by JoAnne Solchany, R.N., Ph.D.
  The dos and don'ts of answering your preschooler’s first adoption questions
• Tummy Talk, by Carol Peacock
  Your three-year-old’s fascination with families is the perfect opportunity to talk about adoption.

As They Grow Up: Continuing the Discussion

• Need to Know
  Six- to eight-year-olds have real questions about their birthparents. Here are seven tips to help parents answer them.
  
• Talking to Your Six-to-Eight-Year-Old About Adoption
  Visit our online guide, then check out the classic AF Clip-and-Save Guide for some tips and affirming activities.
  
• Talking About Adoption with Your Nine- to 12-Year-Old, by Susan Saidman
  How to keep the adoption conversation going during the preteen years.
• When Kids Deny Their Adoption, by Jayne Schooler
  =When all your child wants to do is fit in with his peers, she may attempt to cover up the truth. Here are tips to help him through this phase.
• Mommy, Where Did I Come From?, by Holly van Gulden and Lisa Bartels-Rabb
  Acknowledging your child’s ethnic heritage is not enough. It’s crucial that you talk to your six-to-eight-year-old about her birthparents.
• Helping Teens Talk About Adoption Issues, by Frank Kunstal
  Your adolescent’s daily life is filled with enough challenges to security and self-esteem. It’s up to you to get communication flowing.

Dealing with Sensitive Topics

• Telling the Tough Stuff, by Lee Tobin McClain, Ph.D.
  Here’s how to tell your child the difficult facts about his adoption in positive, age-appropriate ways...and how to keep the conversation going.
• Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child, by Jayne Schooler
  Your adolescent’s daily life is filled with enough challenges to security and self-esteem. It’s up to you to get communication flowing.