Q: We adopted our daughter from foster care at age 11. Two months ago, I found out I was pregnant. At first she was very excited, but now she huffs or changes the subject whenever it comes up. I’m sure she’s upset that she’ll have to share her room and her parents, but how can I prove that our love for her will remain the same?

Members of adoptivefamiliescircle.com respond:

“It is perfectly normal for older siblings to be excited initially, and then start to worry. She may also find the prospect of a biological child more threatening than another child through adoption.”

“I can’t imagine being told at age 13 that I’d have to share my room with a baby. A teen (especially one who came from foster care) is going to have all sorts of emotions to deal with and will need her own space. Is moving into a bigger house an option?”

“Share her sadness. For example, when you are holding the baby, say, ‘I wish I could have done this for you’ or ‘I wish I could have adopted you as a baby, so that you wouldn’t have had to go through what you did, but I am glad you’re my daughter now.”

“You just need to keep reassuring her that, yes, things will change, but you still love her. When her sibling arrives, helping you with some of the baby care might help her feel more connected to the child.”

“I want to underscore the importance of one-on-one time. My son was three when I gave birth to his sibling, so we called it ‘cuddle time,’ but, whatever you call it, it’s crucial to check in, reconnect, hug or show physical affection, and spend some time with just her.”