Q: Although our child’s birth parents are raising his birth siblings, they have been adamant about wanting no contact with our family. How can we explain this to our son?

A: Share the information you have with your child in an age-appropriate manner, and empathize with his desire to know more about his birth parents. It’s OK to say that you wish he had contact with them, too.

Children may have difficulty understanding why their birth parents are parenting other children but not them, but it’s important information to know. When discussing this with your son, it may help to focus on his birth parents’ circumstances at the time of his placement — explain that they were already raising children, and realized that all of their children would have suffered if they had tried to parent another child.

Keep in mind that the birth parents’ feelings may change over the years, and they may become receptive to some communication in the future. Let your adoption attorney know that you will welcome contact at any point in the future. You may want to initiate contact on your own in several years, or ask your attorney to do so on your behalf.

If your child becomes interested in contacting his birth family when he’s older, don’t discourage him. Even though the birth parents choose to have a closed adoption at the moment, their decision isn’t set in stone!