It’s been 10 years since I made the decision to adopt my daughter, Eleni. The other day, as I watched her pad around the house in bare feet, fleecy pajamas, and a long, swinging ponytail, I grew nostalgic and told Eleni the story of how I got my inspiration. Back in the winter of 1998, I went on a vacation to Sedona, Arizona. One morning, as I walked alone among majestic red rocks, I heard a quiet, inner voice urging me to adopt. At age 41, I had long wanted to be a mother; in that magical place, I gained the courage to move forward.
When I finished my tale, Eleni grew silent, then looked at me a bit worriedly. “Uh, Mom,” she began, with a catch in her voice. “Have you told anyone else this story? I mean, isn’t it kind of weird that you were hearing voices?” As I thought about how to respond, Eleni said, “Oh, wait! Maybe it was your conscience telling you to go to China and adopt me!”
Whatever the impetus that drove my decision (my conscience or some mystical force of nature), I did travel to China, and now, a decade later, my nine-year-old daughter and I reside happily in Brooklyn, New York.
Theres just one “problem” these days: Eleni has become a moral force to be reckoned with, one who loves to point out my minor indiscretions. Last week, for instance, I was waiting impatiently to meet a dear friend, and I complained that she’s always late. Eleni heard me mutter some benign criticisms, and said, “Mom! You shouldn’t talk about people behind their backs. It isn’t right!” (I was also duly reprimanded when I made a nasty comment about a contestant on Project Runway.)
Eleni also chastises me about my driving (“Mom, you didn’t stop completely at that stop sign!”), my etiquette (“What do you mean, I don’t have to write thank-you notes? People will think I’m rude!”), and my occasional white lies (“Why did you say were going to a family gathering? That’s not true.”). But as annoying as Eleni can sometimes be, it’s probably to my benefit that Miss Goody Two-Shoes–my walking, talking conscience–takes the high ground. As a single parent, and the only adult in our home, it can be tempting for me to take shortcuts and, at times, bend the rules.
But Eleni–bless her heart–keeps me on the straight and narrow, and forever reminds me that I’m her role model. If I skip breakfast, let a sharp word or judgment fall from my lips, or become sidetracked and “forget” about Eleni’s bedtime, I’m given a lecture. But I’m also praised when I do the right thing, or try my best to be a good mom. Just the other evening, I served Eleni a healthy dinner and helped her detangle her hair. I spoke with her about a problem she was having at school, then lay with her on the rug, watching a long Harry Potter DVD. As we squeezed hands and put the covers over our heads during the scary parts, Eleni said, sincerely, “Thanks, Mom. This is great.” In that moment, I knew I was doing right by her, and that I’m raising a strong, righteous girl. Yes, she may be a mini-dictator at times, but she rules with a velvet glove.
