Lois Melina has been a voice of wisdom and authority in the world of adoption for decades. We connected with Melina upon the publication of her latest book, The Grammar of Untold Stories,a collection of personal essays, to discuss immigration and international adoption, transracial adoption and the Black Lives Matter movement, and the many ways adoption and infertility continue to surface in her writing.
The Four Agreements in Open Adoption
Lois Melina offers personal reflections on making relationships between birth parents and adoptive families healthier—for the sake of our children, using the principles of The Four Agreements.
Adoption Through a Child’s Eyes
By tuning in to what children understand about adoption at different ages, our talks become richer, more intimate, and ultimately more effective.
When Love Has a Price
“Good-hearted, ethical people find themselves turning a blind eye to red flags, not because they are desperate for a baby, but because they know they will provide a good home to a child who needs one.”
Keeping Up Contact with Birth Parents
An open adoption arrangement may be buffeted by passing time and changing circumstances. Here’s how to make your relationship endure.
How to Prepare for Parenthood
After years of disappointment, adopting couples have a hard time believing that parenthood is just around the corner. But now is the time to get ready.
Talking Matters
If you look like your child, you may be spared inquisitive glances or nosy questions about adoption from strangers. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have to discuss the topic.
The Other Side of Privilege
If we’re white, we experience many benefits of unearned status because we’re “the norm.” But adoptive families are not considered the norm. Now what?
How to Explain Adoption to Family and Friends
The way you respond to questions like, “What is adoption?” can influence how a person understands adoptive families–and explains them to others. Use these ideas to correct misinformation and set a positive tone.
The Sibling Connection
Sure, they bicker, they fight, they tease each other mercilessly. But they’re also creating vital relationships that will last a lifetime.
Ask AF: Explaining the Birth Mother Relationship
My husband and I have a friendly relationship with the birth mother of our 3-year-old daughter. We talk on the phone, exchange letters regularly, and visit a few times a year.
A Durable Relationship with Your Child’s Birth Parents
Over the years, an open adoption arrangement may need to evolve to accommodate the changing needs of everyone involved — above all, the child.
Gearing Talks to Your Child’s Development
Let what your child can understand about adoption guide what you tell him about his story.
Learn How Your Child Learns
When you connect with your child’s learning style, you help him feel more at home.
The Choices We Make
Choosing age, race, and even gender is sometimes seen as the perk of adoption. Be careful not to attach expectations to these selections.
When Parents Adopt Out of Birth Order
Many experts say that out of birth order adoption is a bad idea. Yet, there are many ways to make it work for your family.
[Book Review] Raising Adopted Children, Revised Edition
In this classic parenting manual, Melina holds parents hands every step of the way, from announcing your adoption and choosing a pediatrician to surviving the challenges of adolescence.
When Holidays Don’t Measure Up
Holiday celebrations are supposed to be joyous, but they can be a minefield of mixed emotions.
When the Circle of Family Grows
Parents always celebrate when a new child joins their family. But adoptive moms and dads might want to mark their blessed event with a meaningful ceremony beyond the usual festivities.
When Parents are the Educators
Raising adoption awareness at school can protect your child from thoughtless remarks and benefit classmates, teachers, and the school community. Just be sure to tread lightly and respect boundaries, especially your child’s.
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