“Our adoption profile was shown to an expectant mother, and she selected a different family. We knew this was a possibility, of course, but feel disappointed. How to cope?” Readers offer advice.
Ask AF: Should We Tell Our Child She Has a Birth Sibling if They Can’t Be in Touch?
“Would knowing that somewhere, out in the world, she has a biological sister—but one she can’t get in touch with or live with as a sibling—help our child, or be harmful?”
Ask AF: What to Do the First Time a Foster Child Comes to Stay with Us?
“We are preparing for our first overnight visit with sisters we hope to adopt from foster care, and are nervous. What are we supposed to do for 24 hours with two children who are essentially strangers?”
Ask AF: How to Discourage Indiscriminate Affection
A mother who adopted from foster care seeks advice about discouraging her children from charming or hugging strangers— and how to respond to the adults who think the child is just ‘being sweet.’
Ask AF: Seven-Year-Old Has Been Saying She Doesn’t “Belong Here”
Parents are puzzled by their seven-year-old’s new questions and feelings about adoption. Adoption expert Beth Friedberg, LCSW, offers an explanation and talking tips.
Ask AF: Advice for Our “Ice Breaker” Meeting with a 10-Year-Old Boy?
“We are adopting from foster care and have an ‘ice breaker’ meeting with a 10-year-old boy scheduled for tomorrow. I’m super nervous. Can anyone share advice about forging a connection?”
Ask AF: Rivalry with a Newly Adopted Sibling
“Our son had been excited about the idea of a ‘little brother,’ but, from the day our younger son came home, they have had intense rivalry; there was no ‘honeymoon’ period. What can we do?”
Ask AF: Reconciling Different Personalities in Adoption
A mother finds herself exhausted trying to keep up with the boisterous, outgoing older child she’s adopting, and also worries that the girl might start feeling “different” from the rest of the family (who are all naturally more reserved and quiet). An expert offers advice.
Ask AF: Feeling Depressed When Friends Announce They’re Pregnant
“Does anyone else feel jealous, weepy, depressed, and even a bit angry when friends or family members share the joyous news that they’re pregnant? I am truly thankful for my daughter, adopted five years ago, but at the same time, their news reminds me of how little control I have over growing our family.”
Ask AF: Worried My Daughter Will Think Her Birth Mom Is More “Fun”
“My nine-year-old has been asking me about her birth mother. I was able to find her on social media, but I’m worried about sharing the photos I found.”
Ask AF: Should We Try to Adopt Our Children’s Biological Sibling?
“Our children have a younger sibling in a different foster home. Should we fight to get custody of this child, whom we’re told has a strong bond with her foster parents and foster siblings, or leave things be?”
Ask AF: How to Help Our Teen Through Depression?
“Our 17-year-old is experiencing depression and has been smoking pot. She told us she sees her depression as connected to adoption, which surprised us, because we’ve always talked openly about adoption. How can we help her?”
Ask AF: Sharing Difficult Details with a Seven-Year-Old
A mother seeks advice on sharing difficult birth family details with her daughter, and how this might affect their open adoption relationship.
Ask AF: How to Choose a School for Our Transracially Adopted Child?
A mother seeks advice in selecting a school for her daughter, who is biracial. How to weigh general diversity vs. specific racial representation vs. distance from the family’s home?
Ask AF: How to Tell My Son That I Can’t Adopt His Biological Sister?
An adoptive mother explores adopting her son’s biological sister, but realizes she wouldn’t be able to meet the child’s medical needs. She seeks advice on how to tell her son.
Ask AF: Doesn’t Our Child Have a Right to Know About Her Birth Mother?
We have a closed adoption, per our child’s birth mother’s request. How can I ever tell my child that I know who her birth mother is, but can’t share that information?
Ask AF: How to Explain to My Child That His Birth Mother Was Addicted to Drugs?
My child’s birth mother has a drug addiction. How should I explain this to him? How can I do so without sounding judgmental about his birth mother?
Ask AF: How to Ask My Children About Trauma in Their Past?
“I know that my children’s birth siblings were abused by their birth parents, but my children don’t talk about trauma in their earlier lives. How should I talk with them about this?”
Ask AF: Responding to Insensitive and Discouraging Comments During the Wait
“I’m so excited to be moving forward in the adoption process, but, when I share that news, I’ve been surprised and frankly dismayed at some of the reactions I’ve gotten. These range from dismissive to fearful and discouraging.”
Ask AF: How to Share Sad News About a Birth Parent?
“When my daughter was in her teens, we sent a letter to her birth mother via our adoption agency, but never heard back. Yesterday, I got a social media message from her birth mother’s sister, which shared sad news. How do I break this news to my daughter?”