Being adopted, I have found, means being familiar with many different kinds of love, many varieties of connection. It’s a roller-coaster of sorts. There’s an immense amount of gratitude; yet an overarching sense of loss persists, and permeates every interaction, every decision, and every relationship.
“Everything Counts”
When you’re waiting to adopt, you count each day that passes. But how should I count my daughter-to-be, who is already a part of me?
“Should I Tell Her Teacher?”
I haven’t decided not to tell my daughter’s preschool that she was adopted, but, so far, I haven’t told.
“Journey to Calcutta”
Despite my parents’ urging, I had always rejected my Indian identity. At 21, I learned to embrace it.
“Music in His Genes”
My son craves the comfort of music the way other kids his age rely on their blankets.
“My Little Man’s Hair”
Sam’s hair is close-cut and precisely edged. Looking at it from any angle, you can see that this child’s mother knows how to care for his hair. This has not always been the case.
“Why Tae Kwon Do?”
So far, each step I have taken into my future daughter’s world has taught me nearly as much about myself as it has about her culture.
“A Christening Ceremony”
The moment I felt I became Eva’s forever mother and for Eva, adopted from the Ukraine, being my forever daughter.
“Being Noticed as a Transracial Family”
For once, the barista at Starbucks didn’t recognize me. He shouldn’t. I’m there only about once a month. The thing is, he remembers me. Well, not me so much as us. This is one of those things that come with being the white mother of a black child. Comments, questions, stares—those I expected. The strange experience of just being visible—not so much. I didn’t realize how invisible I was until I wasn’t anymore.
“The Meetings of the Moms”
The day my mother met my birth mother.
“We Always Called You Jason”
Fantasizing about my birth parents, I never dreamed my strongest link to the past would be through a flinty grandmother.
“Our Relationship with Our Child’s Birth Mother”
Getting to know our daughter’s birth mother was a tremendous blessing.
“The Refrigerator Picture”
When I dressed up my daughter and took a portrait, was I just showing off my cute kid — or perpetuating stereotypes?
“My Most Pressing Back-to-School Task”
After bringing up race and adoption with my children’s teachers at the start of each academic year, I always feel worried and hyper-vigilant. But, invariably, they get it.
“Learning to Care for My Daughters’ Hair”
I felt frustrated, thinking I’d never learn how to cornrow. Now, I show others how to care for tight, curly hair.
“My Adoption (And Bunko) Support Group”
My Bunko buddies were the ones who were there for me when I suddenly got “the call.”
“Homeward Bound”
Retracing a journey I had made 23 years earlier inspired unforeseen emotions about my past, and about one child’s future.
“Martin Luther King’s Dream Come True?”
When my son was harassed by a classmate for his race, I knew I only had a second to act.
“Pocket Rocks”
A mother shares the story of her daughter’s growth (who was once deemed “too small to fight for her needs”) at summer camp.
“Overcoming Malnutrition with Pizza, Pasta, and ‘Dabo'”
How a cooking-impaired mom managed a happy Thanksgiving.