Deciding on gestational surrogacy and navigating the complex process involves listening to your heart and your brain at the right times.
“Selecting My Egg Donor”
How do you choose the person you want to make babies with? Everyone has her priorities; these are mine.
The Big IF — Moving Past Infertility
Four writers look back at the roads they’ve traveled since wrestling with infertility.
“Open Minds, Open Hearts”
Five years ago, my husband Pat and I knew nothing about open adoption. Today, we are staunch advocates of it and the very proud parents of two beautiful children who came home to us through open adoption. The journey to our children and to lovingly accept open adoption, however, was not an easy one. We learned that having an open mind was the key to having an open heart.
“My Clutter, Myself”
Visitors to our apartment might see a mess, but I see the stories that bound me irretrievably to my daughter. Most of the time.
“My Hot Rollers, My Daughter, Myself”
I’ve always had my own issues with hair. But when my daughter came along, my perceptions had to change.
“How I Handled Calls from Prospective Birth Mothers”
Our advertising was placed, our adoption profile was ready to go, and it was only a matter of time before our 800-line started ringing with calls from expectant mothers. Yikes! Mercifully, I was prepared, thanks to the expertise of my adoption attorney, adoption consultant, and other adoptive parents. Here’s what I learned:
“What We Couldn’t Learn Before Adopting”
My wife and I learned a lot from reading, but there were some things not discussed in the books we read. So from one father to another, from one parent to another, here’s my notebook of thoughts after our adoption.
“Redefining Perfect”
After giving birth to a boy and a girl, I had what other people defined as a “million dollar family.” A few years later, family and friends questioned our decision to adopt two older children, out of birth order, when we had the “perfect” family.
“Deciding to Adopt Older Siblings from Foster Care”
At first, we envisioned welcoming a baby into our home. But we soon discovered that adopting older children was right for us.
“Why We Chose Foster Adoption”
Foster adoption was right for these three families. Read their stories to find out why.
“Choosing Which Country to Adopt From (Twice)”
Growing up in a mostly white, Midwestern town in the late 1970s and early 80s, watching reruns of The Donna Reed Show and Leave It to Beaver, I figured I would finish school, find a girl to marry, buy a little house with a white picket fence, and have a couple of kids who looked like me. This was the middle-class American dream, and at the time it never occurred to me that life would turn out any other way.
“Making Time for My Daughter…and Myself”
I have been doing poorly at the job that’s the most important in the world to me–being a good mother to my daughter. I accepted my current position in part so I could afford things for her, such as private school. Now I find myself robbing her of the things that mean the most: my time and attention and patience.
“Our Initiation Into Parenthood”
Our first foster placements were a two-year-old girl and her baby brother. Their last placement had disrupted due to her primal fits. As a child therapist, I dealt with children all day, sometimes for an hour at a time. I told my husband we could handle it. I’ll get back to that later.
“The Promise of a Thousand Memories”
“Your baby is coming!” Our daughter’s birth mom, Brooke, had finally gone into labor, almost two weeks late. The call came at 3:30 A.M., and we were out the door by 4 A.M. The toy dangling from the empty car seat rattled like a ticking clock as we drove along the highway for two long hours.
“When I Knew I Was Ready to Adopt”
Even after we turned in our paperwork, I wasn’t 100-percent certain I was ready to adopt. But when the time was right, I knew.
“To Those Still Waiting”
Our “adoption journey” was not an easy one. No, our road was bumpy and dark and full of unmarked turns that were gently referred to by our social workers as failed matches or changes of heart. With every disappointment we endured, I struggled with what I call the both/and—holding two conflicting feelings at once.
“I Have Four Moms”
For many parents who adopted children internationally, a birth mother relationship is uncharted territory.
“A Love We Never Expected”
When we first considered adoption, my husband and I discussed how much contact we were willing to have with the birth mother. We didn’t realize how close we’d become to the whole birth family.
“A Test of Character”
In June of 2004, while flying with my family to China, I wondered what our new family would be like. Would our two boys, our biological sons, treat their new sister differently? Our oldest, Dakota, was four at the time of our trip, and Cole was almost three.