As my children move into the world without me, I can’t protect them the way I could when they were little. I can’t assume that their lives and actions will be cloaked with the same privilege I was born with.
Ask AF: Letting a Preteen Take the Lead in a Birth Parent Relationship
“At what age should we start letting our daughter take the lead in birth parent contact? I know that my daughter will be able to call her birth mom freely when she gets her own cellphone, so how do we step back responsibly?”
“On Parenting from Afar”
Once, I grieved the loss of a biological child. Nineteen years later, as I watch my son leap and soar (literally) into adulthood, I am at peace with my role of nurturing the many gifts built into his nature.
“She’s Leaving Home”
As parents, our goal is to raise independent, self-sufficient human beings. But, truth be told, it hurts like a %$#* when you realize you’ve done your job.
“…and so It Goes”
My older son is off at college, and I’ve been heartened to see that his “new normal” includes a maturing and strengthening of the bond between us. I look back to the day I met him, just over eight years ago, and our years of attachment struggles, even as I look to his future, and ours, with hope.
“…and Letting It Be” – My Son’s Transition to College
When I adopted my two sons eight years ago, they couldn’t separate themselves fast enough from their “old” life in Brazil. As I prepared to visit my oldest son two months into his “new” college life—a lifetime for any freshman—I wondered to what extent he might have compartmentalized his now “old” family life.
“The Fine Line Between Letting Go and Being Let Go”
I adopted my son as he was entering his teen years, and now, too soon, I have seen him off to college. How will his still tenuous attachment play out when I’m no longer a constant, physical presence in his life?
“Home Safe Every Night”
Isaac is 14 years old, but he’s six feet tall and almost two hundred pounds. He’s also black. He hasn’t been a discipline problem since the day he came home, but someone who doesn’t know him could see him as a threat. So what was I to do on a recent evening when he asked to bike home alone in the dark?
Handling Teenage Meltdowns
Your child may see you as less understanding than his birth parents might be. Here’s how to cope with teenage temper tantrums.
Ask AF: How to Help Our Teen Through Depression?
“Our 17-year-old is experiencing depression and has been smoking pot. She told us she sees her depression as connected to adoption, which surprised us, because we’ve always talked openly about adoption. How can we help her?”
“From Then to Now”
I don’t think about adoption on a daily basis; I am just a dad, after all. But when I do, it’s these moments that rise to the surface, indicative of so much else along the way.
Just Say “Yes” to Positive Parenting
If you’re parenting an oppositional child or teen, you probably say “no” a lot. You may say it so often that it’s become your default response, or you may be stuck in the perception that “no” is the healthier option. How can you bring positivity back into your parent-child relationship?
How to Support Your Teen’s Developing Racial Identity
Embracing your child’s racial identity means embracing his friends, too.
Talking with Your Teen
Stumped by your teen’s silences and questions? Here’s how to tackle them.
Your Job as Consultant and Coach
By talking through possible actions and consequences, you can help your child develop decision-making and long-range thinking skills.
“One of the Missing Pieces”
When older children argue and act out, it’s often connected to events from their past. How could any child move through 14 foster placements unscathed? But last night, another clash, followed by a heart-to-heart, brought us one piece closer to feeling like a solid family.
3 Tasks for College-Bound Adoptees
“Going to college provides the time and distance for young adult adoptees to experiment with and sort out their own interests and self-expectations.”
Why Race Matters for Teens
Teens need their parents’ guidance in forming their racial identity.
“Is It Just a Phase?”
Teens may try on different identities as they seek to determine who they are.
The Wrong Crowd?
An adolescent’s peers may tell you something about their inner life.