When you formed your family through adoption, everyone seems to think it’s their right to ask you nosy questions about adoption. Readers share some of the most common—as well as some of the most outrageous.
“I Can Still Be Shocked” – Encountering Ignorance About Adoption and Race
Fifteen years into parenting in a transracial family, I thought I had heard it all—with appropriate comebacks at the ready—until an interaction with a racist (former) boss left me simply dumbfounded.
Ask AF: How to Discourage Indiscriminate Affection
A mother who adopted from foster care seeks advice about discouraging her children from charming or hugging strangers— and how to respond to the adults who think the child is just ‘being sweet.’
How Adoption Grew Secret
Our kids deserve to know who their people were.
Support Groups for Adoptive Parents and Families
Adoptees and their families need help and guidance throughout their lives. Support groups can help provide that.
“From Then to Now”
I don’t think about adoption on a daily basis; I am just a dad, after all. But when I do, it’s these moments that rise to the surface, indicative of so much else along the way.
“How We’re Different, and How We’re The Same”
When talk turns to family traits—who got grandma’s curly hair or daddy’s big blue eyes—how does our child find her place in the conversation?
Once Upon a Time: Writing Your Adoption Stories
Many parents are putting their adoption stories in writing. Whether you publish or not, here’s how to create a moving, quality memoir.
“‘Trashy’ Parents?”
At a recent gathering, an acquaintance made a comment based on the astonishingly misguided and downright vulgar assumption that my child’s birth parents are unworthy or subpar. Here’s how I responded.
Ask AF: Responding to Insensitive and Discouraging Comments During the Wait
“I’m so excited to be moving forward in the adoption process, but, when I share that news, I’ve been surprised and frankly dismayed at some of the reactions I’ve gotten. These range from dismissive to fearful and discouraging.”
“I Can’t Believe She Just Said That!” – Biggest Adoption Misconceptions
Parents share the biggest false beliefs about adoption that they’ve encountered, from ‘love heals all’ to ‘your child is lucky’ to ‘now you’ll get pregnant!’
Parent-to-Parent: “Your Child Looks Just Like You!”
We asked our readers how they respond when someone comments that their child “looks just like” them. Read the answers.
Ask AF: Because Baby Showers Are Bad Enough Without Nosy Questions…
When you struggle with infertility, baby showers can be painful reminders — and often lead to nosy questions, like, ‘So, when are you going to have a baby?’ Parents who’ve been there advise on how to respond.
How Do You Respond to “How Long Did It Take You to Adopt?”
We asked our readers: How do you respond when someone asks you how long it takes to adopt? Read the answers from adoptive parents.
“You Have to Be Perfect.” And Other Adoption Myths
Sometimes it’s not just those unfamiliar with adoption who are misinformed.
Parent-to-Parent: “Do You Talk with the Teacher About Adoption?”
Do you tell the teacher that your child was adopted at the start of a new school year? See parents’ answers.
“Seeing the Bigger Picture in Adoption”
I used to see adoption from only one viewpoint—that of the adoptive parents. But working in the field before becoming an adoptive mother opened my eyes to how complex and bittersweet adoption can be.
Ask AF: Family Interactions After Kinship Adoption
“We are adopting my sister-in-law’s teenage son after fostering him for five years. What can I say to her at family gatherings, to family who still don’t get that we’ll be his legal parents—and to my son, who hears all of this?”
Parent-to-Parent: Explaining Attention and Questions from Strangers
When you and your child don’t look alike, the world wants to know why. Parents who adopted transracially share how they explain strangers’ questions and comments to their children.
Ask AF: My Husband Wants to Keep Adoption “Secret”
“My husband was advised that some adoptive parents ‘hide’ the adoption process and feign pregnancy on social media for friends and extended family. Has anyone done this?”