Q: I just read something online that referenced Birth Mother’s Day. When is it, and how do families typically observe this holiday?

A: The Saturday before Mother’s Day was designated Birth Mother’s Day in 1990 by a group of birth mothers. Many adoptive parents I know send flowers or a card with recent photos of their child, or call the birth mother on this day. Many birth mothers are thrilled to know that you are thinking of them on Birth Mother’s Day; some prefer to be recognized on Mother’s Day itself.

One birth mother I know, Mandy, noted that many of her family members and friends do not understand the choice she made four years ago. However, when the adoptive parents send flowers on Birth Mother’s Day with a card thanking her for the gift of choosing them to raise her child, she feels that someone recognizes the love that went into her adoption plan — and the love she still has for her daughter. Another family has a special dinner with their child’s birth mother each May, to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day and Mother’s Day together. In this way, they recognize both moms’ roles in the child’s life.

If your child is old enough to participate in honoring her birth mother, she can sign the card or include a drawing to be enclosed in it. This is also an opportunity for another discussion with your child about her adoption and about the love and caring that went into her birth mother’s decision.