During our children’s teen years, we may worry that their contrary behavior or moodiness is a result of being adopted. In many cases, this isn’t so. Here are three common myths about teenagers, and the truth behind them.
Myth #1
Your teen is moody and withdrawn because she’s adopted.
During adolescence, all children go through physical and psychological changes. Their moods can turn on a dime. This moodiness is brought on, in part, by hormonal changes, but can also be caused by the social challenges and pressures of adolescence.
Many teens tend to withdraw at this time. They may be uncomfortable sharing personal feelings with their parents, preferring to talk with friends.
Adopted teens, like their peers, go through the usual challenges of adolescence — and then some. When striving to form an identity, they may wonder, “Who am I?” or “Where do I come from?” and lack the information that would help them fill in the blanks.
It’s important for parents to understand that moodiness and a tendency to withdraw come with the teenage territory. It’s likely that your adolescent’s feelings may be complicated by, but not entirely attributable to, adoption.
Myth #2
Adopted teens are more angry and defiant than other teens.
Many parents have control issues with their teens, battling daily over where to draw certain lines. These challenges exist because teens are trying to gain mastery of their world and prove they are self-reliant and independent.
Adopted teens may have additional feelings of loss, rejection, and anger that surface at this time. But are adopted teens, as a rule, more defiant and rebellious than others? Not necessarily. Each child is different.
Myth #3
All adopted teens want to search for their birth family.
Many adoptive parents have this fear and worry that a teen’s desire to search means she is unhappy with them or has an emotional problem.
The fact is, each teen is unique. Some have a need for information and connection, while others know they are not yet ready to embark on a search for birth parents. If your teen has a desire to search, take it seriously and offer support. But don’t assume that all teens have this need, and don’t worry that, if they reunite, your child will want to leave you to live permanently with his birth family.
