Food fights are frustrating battles for parents. Whether your child arrives home as a young infant or has spent years waiting for a family, you should expect food to present some challenges. In some cases, eating habits may be set in foster or institutional care, but in many cases, they are a normal part of childhood development. Here’s an overview of the problems with picky eating, and how to respond.

Behind Picky Eating

Conflicts often erupt when parents ask children to try something new. With a child who comes from foster care, this may be a battle not worth fighting. Children who have had little nutritious food may have survived on a repetitive diet. The emphasis during the first months should be to earn the child’s trust and make gradual changes. Denying a familiar comfort food may impair his attachment. Thus, if your child has always had chips for breakfast, offer him chips for a short time, along with cereal and fruit.

What about children who won’t try anything new? Given several choices, they will probably try new foods. Ask your child which vegetable she wants for dinner: carrots, broccoli, or peas. Offer three choices the next night. Encourage hello bites. Most children need 15 to 20 exposures to a food to be willing to eat more than one bite.

Its common for kids in institutions to scavenge for or hoard food. (Maybe in the past, food was scarce.) With patience, lots of love, and plentiful food in your home, your child will trust that his needs will be met, and the hoarding should stop. Until that happens, let your child keep a container of healthy snacks at his bedside and never limit food as punishment.

Some babies arrive with underdeveloped sucking reflexes. (Perhaps the child had formula poured into her mouth.) Although most babies begin eating solids at six months, it’s OK if your infant needs to be introduced to textured foods at a slower pace. While feeding, hold your baby close and focus on connecting. If she shows signs of low muscle tone, consult an oral-motor specialist.

Table Tantrums

Mealtimes should not be about conflict. Make sure your child is not sitting at the table until everyone is ready to eat. Offer a little food on the plate, so that, if the child pushes the plate to the floor, not much goes with it. If you eat dinner late, offer a healthy snack two hours earlier, so your child’s hunger doesn’t get out of control.

Other things parents can do:

•  Engage a child in the preparation of meals. The sense of accomplishment may broaden her attitude when she sits down to eat. Find creative ways to present your child’s meals. Use berries to make faces on pancakes; create a garden with broccoli trees and spaghetti grass. Cutting sandwiches into shapes may make eating more fun.
• Offer low-fat milk and water. Some children fill up on beverages before meals. Toddlers should be limited to 16 to 20 ounces of milk each day, and four ounces of juice. The rest of their beverage intake should be water. If your child is reluctant to drink water, try diluting 100-percent fruit juice.
• Teach healthy choices. Sometimes parents inadvertently encourage picky eating by having too many snacks around. Plan ahead: Use a slow cooker. Keep fruit bars or cut-up fruit in a cooler, in case hunger strikes while you are on the go. Most important: Make sure that you eat your five fruits and vegetables each day, so that your child sees that you live what you preach about eating well.

Parents sometimes worry that their child is not eating enough. Pediatric growth charts (cdc.gov/growthcharts) show that the rate of growth from ages one to six is fairly slow. Many children prefer to eat six small meals each day, rather than three large ones (as adults do). The key is to offer healthy foods when your child is hungry. If she is not hungry at mealtime, store the meal and offer it when she is.