Lois Melina has been a voice of wisdom and authority in the world of adoption for decades. We connected with Melina upon the publication of her latest book, The Grammar of Untold Stories,a collection of personal essays, to discuss immigration and international adoption, transracial adoption and the Black Lives Matter movement, and the many ways adoption and infertility continue to surface in her writing.
Ask AF: Feeling Depressed When Friends Announce They’re Pregnant
“Does anyone else feel jealous, weepy, depressed, and even a bit angry when friends or family members share the joyous news that they’re pregnant? I am truly thankful for my daughter, adopted five years ago, but at the same time, their news reminds me of how little control I have over growing our family.”
“Heart’s Content”
A trip to the doctor’s office reminds me of the love inside my son’s perfect heart.
“Motherhood, Cleaved.”
My love for my youngest child, who was born to me, takes a different timbre from my love for my twins through adoption. Accepting this helps me understand the inimitable bond they share with their birth mother, and the ache she must feel.
“First Words”
We may not have heard our children’s very first words, but we’ve heard many others in our journey through infertility and foster adoption—and now, as family.
Ask AF: Because Baby Showers Are Bad Enough Without Nosy Questions…
When you struggle with infertility, baby showers can be painful reminders — and often lead to nosy questions, like, ‘So, when are you going to have a baby?’ Parents who’ve been there advise on how to respond.
“Buying the Lie About Infertility and Adoption”
Somehow, somewhere in my mind I believed that becoming a mother through adoption would erase my infertility. But one pregnancy announcement after another from family and friends soon made it clear that this was far from the truth.
“Caught on Camera: Our Surprise Adoption Match”
Have you ever been at a baby shower where they play a home video of the mother-to-be surprising her partner with news of her pregnancy? As we grappled with infertility, my wife and I hated those videos, even as we desperately hoped for one of our own.
[EXCERPT] The Art of Waiting: “Baby Fever”
Belle Boggs’s The Art of Waiting sets her own struggles with infertility within a larger framework of sociological, cultural, biological, and literary attitudes toward reproduction and motherhood. In this excerpt, she explores “Baby Fever,” the longing have a child that sent many of us on our infertility and adoption journeys.
“Are Adoptive Moms Allowed to Have a Bad Day?”
After finally realizing my dream of becoming a mother, I found what most new parents find—along with the bliss come days filled with crying, spit-up, and leaking diapers. But when I dared to vent, I was chided: “You wanted to adopt…you asked for this!”
“Opting Out of IVF”
As I dove into research about in vitro fertilization, I kept waiting to be excited about this wondrous technology. But the excitement never came. When our talk turned to adoption, however, I felt the rebirth of hope.
“How I Met My Daughters”
I may not remember when I first knew I wanted to be a mother, but the moments leading up to and the first time I saw my daughters are indelibly etched in my memory.
“My Christmas Dream Come True”
When I bought the ornament, I imagined hanging it on the tree with the child I was carrying. But after I miscarried, I packed it away for years.
News Brief: WHO Set to Broaden Definition of “Infertile” to Include Singles and Same-Sex Couples
Under the World Health Organization’s previous definition, infertility was failure to achieve pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular unprotected sexual intercourse. Its expanded version will apply to more families.
“Adoption Is Not Second Best”
Near-strangers feel compelled to tell me about friends who got pregnant after adopting and say, “There’s still hope….” But I don’t hope for a biological child; I hope for a healthy relationship with my two kids.
From Infertility to Adoption
“After four years of fertility treatments, a friend recommended that we attend an adoption seminar. My husband and I weren’t open to adoption, but we decided to go. The hour-and-a-half seminar changed our lives forever.”
Donor Sperm: Real-Life Stories
Men are often shocked, and even ashamed, when they learn they will need to use a donor due to male infertility. They needn’t be. A male infertility specialist shares stories of families built through sperm donation.
After Infertility: The Emotions of Choosing Assisted Reproduction
After you’ve poured endless time and energy into your fertility journey, what do you do when the doctor says, “I’m sorry… We’ve done all we can do apart from egg donation, embryo donation, or surrogacy”? Here’s how to work through the heartbreak.
An Introduction to Donor Eggs
An overview of what’s involved in the decision to use donor egg after infertility, including medical options, programs, costs, and more.
“Dear Infertility Patient”
From a woman who finally became an adoptive mother after a decade of trying, here are a few things I wish someone had told me years ago.