An amazing transformation occurred in our family when we brought our newly adopted baby girl home to our two biological sons, then seven and nine. Like other boys their ages, my sons thought mostly about sports, food, Star Wars, playing with their friends, and, occasionally, about school.
“A Test of Character”
In June of 2004, while flying with my family to China, I wondered what our new family would be like. Would our two boys, our biological sons, treat their new sister differently? Our oldest, Dakota, was four at the time of our trip, and Cole was almost three.
“A Love We Never Expected”
When we first considered adoption, my husband and I discussed how much contact we were willing to have with the birth mother. We didn’t realize how close we’d become to the whole birth family.
“I Have Four Moms”
For many parents who adopted children internationally, a birth mother relationship is uncharted territory.
“Taking Moms for Granted”
We try to teach our daughter Mariah gratitude. But I know we’re doing something right when she takes us for granted.
“Why My Daughter Wants Me to Marry”
In Eleni’s mind, my future husband would have two daughters, preferably between the ages of six and 14. And perhaps a dog or two, so the pets could keep each other company. (My husband would be my buddy, so we’d all have someone to play with.) We’d live in a big house, with a wraparound porch and flat-screen TVs. And if anything bad happened in the world–like if people started kidnapping lots of children, “Mommy — we’d all be there to protect each other.”
“Eli’s First Year Home”
When I adopted an older child, I was prepared to teach him what it means to have a family. Instead, I found myself with a little boy in deep mourning for the loss of his loving foster parents.
“My Nights with Tiana”
So Tiana moved into our bed. As time went on, she began to awaken, startled, reaching her little hand toward my side of the big bed. As soon as she felt me beside her, she would fall back asleep. By her third or fourth month home, Tiana was waking up every 10 minutes to make sure I was beside her. Her panic was palpable.
“Finally Feeling Like Mummy”
I think I finally get it. This, what I feel now, is what being a mummy is supposed to feel like. I had wondered if I would immediately fall in love with my child; I thought I would be certain that he was “the one.” But I didn’t.
“A Hat Just Like Dad’s”
In our newly created transracial family, my husband’s and son’s matching blue hats was a tangible link. Something that said: We belong together.
“A Night I’ll Never Forget”
After 10 years, my husband and I were starting to doubt we’d ever be parents. But when the phone rang, I knew it was “The Call.”
“Letting Our Story Soar”
Writing and illustrating a fictional tale about a winged girl named Paloma helped my daughter and me talk about race, identity, and the realities of adoption. As a published book, it’s helping many other families do the same.
“Our First Choice”
I always knew I wanted to grow my family through adoption.
“What Plans?”
Adoption can be an unpredictable journey. We never realized just how unpredictable.
“The Whole Journey”
When our son’s birth mother was making that painful decision — raise a child or finish high school — we were the family she chose. So when she invited us to her graduation, nothing could stop us.
“Giving Me Her Quilt — and Her Dream”
When my grandmother handed me her precious quilt and said, “I’m counting on you to have a girl,” I knew I wouldn’t let her down.
“If at First You Don’t Succeed…”
Before trying to have kids, I’d never failed at anything. Though I still believe in planning and hard work, it was something else that brought me my two beautiful boys.
“Music to My Ears”
At 10, Julia is fully attached to my husband and me. We are a solid forever family, the three of us. But our daughter is still reticent about investing passion elsewhere. There are no posters of Justin Bieber in her room. There is no friend from school she calls her BFF. Not one thing that really, really matters.
“A Hunger for Words”
The elusive memory of a kindred spirit has steered me, over the years, toward the heart of my own story.
“Embracing Our Daughter’s Culture…at Dinner”
When we adopted our daughter from China, our appetites were insatiable. It started a family tradition of celebrating culture and heritage at dinner time.