Transworld Publishers; 2002
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Ten Thousand Sorrows, by Elizabeth Kim, is the memoir of a Korean adoptee. When I first heard of it, I was thrilled at the prospect of reading about the life of someone who shared something so fundamental with me. As I read her book, though, it did not resonate with me as I had expected.
Although I am a passionate supporter of inter-country adoption and have had a positive adoption experience, I also am firmly committed to the idea that adoption is bittersweet. There are real issues of loss and grief and, for some of us, deep pain and sadness. I have had my share of those feelings as well. I am troubled, though, that this book implies that adoption is generally a negative experience and does not acknowledge the full range of experiences of adult adoptees, or the reality that significant lessons have been learned from those experiences. Children adopted internationally nowadays benefit enormously from those of us who were adopted before them.
While the book is beautifully written, there is a disturbing lack of authenticity to some of the passages, creating an uneasy sense that the author has probed only superficially into issues of Korean heritage and culture. I am also curious about the vividness of Kim’s memories of her early life. Although my age and circumstances were similar, my memories of Korea are vague. I expect that I will never know most of the details of those early years. The lens through which Kim sees her early life, and the years that follow, is indeed sorrowful. Unfortunately, it has clearly colored how she views Korea and adoption in general. I, too, hold the memory of my birth mother and our time together with tenderness and love. I am also thankful for the loving family that I was to become a part of. I believe my adoption experience is not unique to me.
Ten Thousand Sorrows is the story of a sad life, presented without any attempt to put it into context as an unusually traumatic adoption experience. I hope readers will not assume that the lives of most Korean adoptees have been filled with such hurt and despair, that adoptive parents are insensitive and abusive, or that Koreans in general are as uncaring and cold as they are presented in her story.
